Stories from my personal journey learning about and delivering Nature-rooted programs across three different countries
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Personal post. Trigger warning: Pregnancy loss.
There is so much we carry.
We carry belongings from place to place, in bags on our shoulders or backs.
We carry thoughts, minds often racing through our list of to-dos.
We carry emotions, the hard ones and the beautiful.
We carry memories, hard and beautiful too.
We carry loved ones with us in spirit, whether still living or passed on.
And some of us carry the next generation inside of our bodies, some too briefly in the womb.
We use the word miscarry. But have you ever read the definition of “mis?” I have… it means “badly,” “wrongly” “lack of” and “not.”
So what does miscarry mean then? Badly-carry, wrongly-carry, lack of carrying…? No, that can’t be right.
“Not to carry” a baby any longer… physically perhaps. But I have also carried them in other ways since the day I found out I was pregnant, the moment I saw the heartbeat, in the cravings, the nausea, the sleepless nights when I could no longer comfortably lie belly-down… and then every single day since I lost them one year ago, today.
It’s not either/or to me. Carry or miscarry. No. The act of carrying may be invisible to others, but I still feel the weight of the load everywhere I go.
Just one single friend wished me happy Mother’s day this year. You know who you are and I know that you get it too ❤️ And everyone else who has experienced similar loss, I see you.
We will always carry. Because there’s more than one way.
Please feel welcome to share this post or the one I wrote a year ago: Loss, Grief, and the Forest. These things are important to talk about.
Note: I want to be clear in light of current events that my pregnancy was my choice. My emotions and beliefs surrounding the loss are connected to my experience only and are not directly transferrable to anyone else’s. Our bodies, our choice.